How to Survive the Late Night Fast Food Run

By: Jordan Yaklin

It’s 9:30 Friday night and you’re in the middle of a D&D session when the DM says, “Hey this next part is going to take a while, so why don’t we do a quick run to Taco Bell so we’re not hungry during this boss battle. You think to yourself, “I know I really shouldn’t go because I’ll end up eating way too much and feel like shit afterward, but I have been fairly good this week. Fuck it, I don’t want to be the only one to not go.”

You end up going, and just as you predicted, you eat a metric ass ton of food because you have no plan or self-control for these types of events. How many times has this happened to you?

Here I will show you 2 tips and tricks that will better prepare you for that late night fast food run. I will even share how I implement these tips during my late-night gaming sessions.

1. Plan Your Meals in Advance and Slightly Adjust Your Calories the Day of or After.

This tip requires a small bit of planning ahead. Let’s say you and your buddies play D&D every Friday and you almost always go somewhere to eat in the middle of your session. One thing you can do is plan your meals out in advance. You know your favorite places to go, create a small list of meals that you can order at each place. Write that shit down in your phone so you always have it and use that as the only option you can get. I don’t care if Nacho Fries are back, if you don’t have them on your list, don’t get them.

You may notice that you eat more on days you do these late-night runs, than on normal days. You can accommodate that by eating a bit lighter during the day on Friday and a bit lighter all day Saturday.

How you do this is up to you. You may want to eat slightly smaller meals throughout the day or eliminate breakfast. However, be careful with this practice as it can promote disordered eating if it gets out of hand. Don’t skip a bunch of meals only to binge during your next meal. Don’t save your 9th level spell for the last enemy only to be KO’ed mid fight. Be strategic about it

2. Pick Lower Calorie Options.

This requires a bit more strategy and a lot more discipline. There are quite a few tricks you can pull to make the food that is near and dear to all of our hearts (literally, in our arteries) not so high in calories. Here are a few alternatives you may want to explore

1.) Cut out the bun.

Carbs aren’t bad for you, but a bun on McChicken is 150 calories. Bread is normally pretty calorically dense and that is why people are against it all together. If you get a McChicken and a McDouble, that’s 300 calories in just bread you could eliminate.

2.) Choose chicken over beef.

Now this one isn’t perfect, but chicken is generally lower in calorie than beef. A McChicken patty is 160 calories. ONE beef patty in a McDouble is 100 calories.

3.) Fill up on zero calorie pop.

This one might throw some people into a tizzy worse than a cursed Berserker Axe. Diet pop is not bad for you. A large Coke at most places is about 500 calories. Those 500 calories could easily be used on food! Wouldn’t you rather have another 5-layer burrito and a large Diet Coke instead of just a large Classic Coke? It’s the best of both worlds.

Here’s what I do.

First, I am by no means a posterchild for health. I don’t pretend to be, and I never will. But I have done my fair share of fast food runs and managed to stay under my caloric goals. I did this by combining the two tips above! Here are two examples of what I normally do when we do a pre-boss fight fuel run.


2 McChicken Patties Only, 1 Large Fry, and 1 Large Diet Coke (light ice) = 820 calories.

This is a lot better than what I used to get which was a large Double Quarter Pounder meal, Large Coke, and another small sandwich. That would be about 2,500 calories. Normally with the 820 calories, I don’t have to adjust anything else. I may miss a snack on Friday or skip breakfast on Saturday, but no real damage has been done.

Taco Bell:

Chicken Power Bowl, Beefy 5-layer Burrito (no sour cream), Large Diet Mt Dew = 960 calories.

My original meal would be a blind combination of 5-layer burritos, loaded grillers, value menu finds, and a large Mt Dew. This would weigh in at over 3,000 calories. Again, the 960 calories is probably something that doesn’t need much adjustment, but you can see that these choices are much smaller blows than what I would order in a blind hunger-fueled barbarian rage.

As you can see, these two tools can be used in perfect synergy like the two daggers of your rogue who actually knows how to use Sneak Attack. Use these tips and tricks to allow you to continue having fun with your homies without breaking the caloric bank and feeling like complete shit afterward. You never know, you may be alert enough to catch the DM off guard and pull some epic level stunt because they are borderline comatose after the food run and you’re awake and alert!

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